So last night I was putting some washing in the machine and something in my back twanged... MAJORLY. I got to my room and tried sitting in my chair only to find that it was so excruciatingly painful that I could barely get up again. I stood resting on my desk for a few seconds before falling half into bed with a squeal (on my back with my feet over the side). I could not move. Couldn't even lift up one of my legs onto the bed, couldn't even lift a toe up without serious pain. 'hmmm, NOT GOOD', I thought, so I wrote a quick tweet (that's dedication [check my twitter account 'josh_denton']) and then yelled out to my flat mates for help.
After the customary laugh at the cripple, they started worrying a bit more and began to ring the NHS helpline, I on the other hand, was getting worse and worse as my back ceased up more and more. 'fuck this, i'm calling a fucking ambulance', I was in agony and so did as i said I would and called the services.
When they came round the 3 of them tried to make a joke about it but soon realized that I was going to need some form of pain relief if I was to stop swearing and yelling. The form of that pain relief came in Gas&Air (laughing gas). It worked but apparently not as well as the paramedics might have thought as they started laughing and then I did not. Still in a fair amount of pain I decided It might be a good idea for my housemates to film the ordeal (which in retrospect is a slightly stupid thing to do, but hey, I like to save the memories. One for the album)... Full edit of all that footage on the way...
Here's just a small clip of the action...
That is my girlfriend on the phone, she found out about this when my flatmate wrote a Facebook status of 'off to the hospital with Jocks'. Good way to scare a girlfriend there.
Please please please excuse my overall rudeness and general oddness during all of this. I was VERY high on the gas&air and was in a massive amount of pain, which I felt that no one was giving credit for.
So anyway, I ended up in Central Hospital after a strange trip on the ambulance (pun intended), I had managed to get through 4 bottles of gas, as 2 were faulty and just hissed away (much to my distress). We had to stop off to meet a biker-medic to pick up a new bottle.
I was so wasted when we got there that I had to drain myself in a cardboard bottle, with my mate holding it while I gripped a rail and his hand and clenched the gas pipe in my teeth. (Naim, thanks for that buddy, and err... yeah... sorry if I pissed on your gloves mate.)
So anyway lets step back to the ambulance scene, Andy the paramedic asks me "have you ever been to the hospital Josh?". I say yes, Thinking of the time in my 1st year at uni when I gave my self acute food poisoning and was stuck in the white house for a week. 'well at least this time I won't get a finger up my arse' I think to myself...
So, story back in A&E now, Doctor says "right Josh, i'm just going to test your reflexes and then i'm afraid i'm going to have to put my finger up your bottom" and he actually said it like that I swear to god. I HAVE BACK PAIN! NOT A BLEEDING RECTUM... the worst part was that this time I actually had to pinch his finger upon request, bloody hell.
On a serious note, a MASSIVE thanks to everyone who had to endure me last night, NHS staff don't get half the respect they deserve. Had you not helped me I would have literally gone mad and probably passed out from the pain. God bless you all...
